How not to advertise a law practice

“I do solemnly swear/affirm that I will at all times demean myself fairly and honorably as an attorney and practitioner at law” – from the Maryland Attorney’s Oath.

I don’t endorse this attorney.  I don’t know him, and if this piece of blaxploitation video production is his advertising, I will take pleasure in the fact that he is a Texan and not a Marylander.

Offensive/NSFW depending on your workplace internet and EEO policies. Exercise discretion.

The link (embedding disabled): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eEdqZWRl680&feature=share.

American Registry Wants Me to Pay Them to Lie to My Clients and Colleagues

If you work as an attorney, you might know American Registry.  You know Pat Barnes, the pseudonym or real name of some sales rep there who spams you for, you know, the heck of it. American Registry will sell you a plaque congratulating you for having passed the bar 15 or 20 years ago and having not died since.  (Actually, I do not know that American Registry doesn’t sell plaques to the dead; ask them.)

I am a 19-year member of the Bar of Maryland.  I have started, but not completed, my 20th year of practice.  My swearing-in date is December 13, 1994; most Maryland attorneys take the oath in mid-December.  But having failed for nearly five years to sell me a plaque celebrating, they offered me this email today:

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I don’t blame Pat Barnes or American Registry more (or less) than I blame any other hawker of nonsense.  I blame us attorneys for being so narcissistic that we are, apparently, a market for this nonsense.

Birthdays are nonsense (to the birthday boy or girl; their mothers deserve the credit) but they are traditional, so hey.  Saints’ name days are traditional for Orthodox Christians and some very religious Roman Catholics; most Americans don’t know about saints’ days but in parts of central and eastern Europe they are commonplace social holidays. But a swearing-in date is a nothing burger, unworthy of a spend of $159.00 plus possible taxes, shipping and handling.

Worse, a plaque marketed to me nearly 11 months before the 20th anniversary of my swearing-in date bears false witness to my experience (I have 19 years’ experience, not 20)?  Buying this and putting it up in my office would be a fairly mild case of fraud (I guess until December 14 of this year), but a severe case of corrupted personal and professional values.

Attorneys, if you are 20 years in the profession or thereabouts, and you want to impress me, show me your pro bono work.  Show me the difficult work you have done for clients – IF it’s ethical to do so (and it may well not be under confidentiality, depending your practice area.)  Show me how your writing or instructional materials are peer-reviewed within the Bar, officially or informally.  Show me how you have made efforts to improve the law or the profession (this counts as pro bono service in Maryland and most states.)  Show me that you know how to do well (earn a good living for yourself) while doing good (not screwing clients over or engaging in theft or fraud.) Show me young attorneys whom you have mentored.  Show me how judges rely on you. Show me who calls you for help when they have a nasty, gnarly mess of a case or situation.

If I see this nonsense from American Registry on your wall in your office congratulating yourself on not getting disbarred for 20 years, you will never touch any client or referral from my practice.  I just can’t trust your judgment, your honesty or perhaps equally importantly your self-respect.

Things you should not post on Avvo.com

I have mixed feelings about Avvo.com.  On the one hand, it has challenged the long-time attorney ratings monopoly of Martindale-Hubbell.  While lawyers can “rig” an Avvo rating, lawyers can also “rig” a Martindale rating to some extent.  Competition is healthy, even in semi-rigged BS ratings systems.  Hell, even Maury Povich has to take some maurylogical market challenges from Jerry Springer.

On the other hand, Avvo encourages people to produce discoverable information like this:

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Not that many people fit this description in 4000-odd strong Pocomoke City, in which town pretty much the only institution is the University of Maryland Eastern Shore, a relatively small historically Black university.  I suspect that the prosecutor in this case would not be interested in trolling Avvo for admissions, but why not?  Maybe in a small county like Worcester County, Maryland, that is inundated disproportionately with criminal infractions from the seasonal crowd in Ocean City, some paraphernalia charge from a decade ago in Pocomoke isn’t very interesting to the local State’s Attorney’s office.  But what if this were a felony accusation?

You know who can read Avvo?  Every prosecutor, police officer, probation agent, ex-girlfriend, ex-boyfriend, town newspaper reporter, town gossip, pimp, prostitute, drug dealer, co-defendant, co-defendant’s defense lawyer (private or PD) and the stupidest trifling busybody friend and cousin of all of the above.  Make it a robbery case and not paraphernalia, and this is looking like Teh Big Stoopid really quickly.

The best advice that can be given to many of the inquirers is to get their business off of Avvo ASAP and to consult legal counsel – NOW.  I await a service that will collect, index and data mine stupid posts like these in order to get the occasional gem in critical criminal and civil cases; while there’s a lot of junk here, there is probably an occasional “Antique Roadshow” unexpected find too for the inquiring and diligent lawyer working a high stakes case.  I don’t know that law enforcement isn’t doing so.  If NSA is going to tap or trace phones, you can bloody bet that they can collect and collate something like NSA.  When will local police be able to do so efficiently, on their own or for a fee to a consultant in a big case? While it may not be admissible evidence in itself, it may lead to admissible evidence and who knows what sort of a subpoena a judge might authorize against Avvo upon receiving an officer’s “TKE” and affidavit with an attachment from that website?

I await the next gem to find its way into a divorce deposition: “I screwed around on my wife of 18 years twice, both times with a cutie from my church.  How likely is it that my wife can take my kids away from me in court if she finds out? I don’t make much as a minister of the Gospel here in Pocomoke City.”