[Self-congratulatory paragraph implying that attorney is aggressive, caring, ‘the best’ (in defiance of common sense, ethical principles and rules) and is super-competent after 3 years of practice.]

[Non-news event involving petty drug bust in [Town], posted not for news value but for SEO gimmickry.]

[“If you get a [random town] [charge for which town is otherwise irrelevant]. please call Mack McLawyer at ________________ for a free consultation.”]

[“If you get a [random town 2] [slightly different charge for which town is otherwise irrelevant]. please call Mack McLawyer at ________________ for a free consultation.”]

[“If you get a [random town 3] [other charge for which town is otherwise irrelevant]. please feel free to contact Mack McLawyer at ________________ for a free consultation.”]

[Nonsense pseudo-qualification as “the best” in [law field] for [town] as indicated by [defunct website/paint-by-numbers-non-authority/lawyer’s cousin]

[“Specializes in” [seven areas of specialty claimed in aggressively stupid defiance of ethics rules and presumed computer literacy of Bar Counsel]]

[[Topic of law that doesn’t actually exist] “is our specialty.  We specialize in it.”]

[Misuse of word “awesome” when “good” or “available” are proper English terms to describe subject matter.]

[“If you need a [town] [topic] attorney, please call [town] [topic] [attorney] Mildred McLawyer at _______________.”]

[Bullcrap post about service is “personalized” whatever that means.]

[Claim of 21 years of experience because lawyer and 6 closest friends have been out of law school, not even licensed, for 3 years.]